Can We Pause Reality

for just a bit and talk about the worse acting known to man reality tv shows? More to the point, reality tv dating shows. A little more specific, reality tv dating shows that consist of celebrities.

I don't think the cause of these atrocities are weather related so we can't add another mark to "global warming"





so what draws these d-list, "I thought they died?" celebrities to find their extra 15 minutes of fame their one true love on national television?


I think I've made a scientific breakthrough. You may as well start lining up to take pictures with my and my nobel prize, because this is big stuff. Are you ready?


Instead of El Nino, I've discovered a more catastrophic and detrimental effect on the world. El Flava





This is the national crisis we should all be worried about. I can't remember, was he the first to do this, or is it because the resulting show(s) got him such hott, sexy, female compan-- ok, I'm sorry, I can't complete that statement because my momma taught me not to lie.






Please excuse me while I go vom in a viking hat...


Here are just a few people that have sought love on reality show(s):


Yet another reason to keep me from wearing a "I [heart] NY" shirt





Dear Brett Michaels, if it didn't work out the first two seasons, the third one will be an EPIC FAIL too [P.S. with that fake tan and duck face, you look like you belong in Jersey Shore]






You don't know who this charming guy is? Yea most people dont.









Brokeback Mountain from the 'hood?









Speaking of Tequila, you'd need about 4 handles to ever find this attractive.










This klassy gal got her portraits done at the local Wal-Mart supercenter. You can find this exact photo on peopleofwalmart.com I believe.











and most recently this guy. The show is actually called Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch the ultimate catch for what, gynasyphaherpecrab [guy-nuh-syph-uh-hurp-uh-crab if you were trying to pronounce it]?











This guy has taken it over the top though. He originally changed his last name to ochocinco so it would be written on the back of his jersey [kind of weird, but hey he's spirited], but with his new show instead of choosing 10 or 20 girls to sleep with date, he chose 85 [read: EIGHTY-FIVE]. Dude, I get it, you don't know how to count higher than 10 in real life, but you feel special that you have such a big number on your shirt but seriously? SERIOUSLY? Someone please release the hot air in his head before he flies away.

That ^ folks, is the greatest danger known to man. We must put an end to this, but how?